From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
