the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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