I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
