We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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