I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
