and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
