he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
