Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
