I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
