Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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