i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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