already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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