Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
