...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Green mimosas i think yes
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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