Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
