I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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