Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
