I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
