Don't make out with my wife yet
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
