Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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