So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
