tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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