I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
