Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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