i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
