Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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