I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
