I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
