well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
