It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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