I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
