you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
