there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
