Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
