I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
