he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
