She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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