Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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