Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
