Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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