omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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