I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
