you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
