just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
