i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
