Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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