You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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