He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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