I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
