I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
