i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
