if only i could text you this smell
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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