Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
