I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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