oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
