My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
this is an emotional support booty call
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
