Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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