Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
