new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
