Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
