Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
