Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
this is an emotional support booty call
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
