Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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