Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
